Health Update: Thank you to my OSF-Peoria Caregivers

I don’t usually use my blog to post updates about my health, but I thought I would do so this week.  That way there is a more permanent thank you out there in the Internet world for those who helped me begin my recovery journey at OSF-Peoria.

In case folks didn’t know, this past week was Rehabilitation Awareness Week at OSF-Peoria. I received an invitation to attend after being identified as an all-star rehabilitation patient by my therapists.  It was a huge honor for me to receive such a invitation, and I want to say thank you to my adventure partner, John Nathan, for taking me.

Attending meant having an opportunity to thank everyone at OSF-Peoria who helped me during my first two months post health issues. It was a wonderful event too.  Great job to the folks who put it together!  Each day, I’m thankful to be here to have a chance to say thank you.  Some of you might know that I’m working on a book about my experience, but I anticipate it being a bit before I get it to a publishable quality. Still, I do have a draft of the whole book written, and a list of edits to make to it.  Thus, in place of having a book to share with the world in which I have written my thank you to all who were a part of my recovery, I thought I would post some photos from the rehab celebration.

My PT and OT Team. There were many more therapists that I worked with, but these two put up with me the most. ;)

My PT and OT Team. There were many more therapists that I worked with, but these two put up with me the most. 😉

Me and Niko meeting up again after our time in rehab together.

Me and Niko meeting up again after our time in rehab together.

 

Me, Heather, and Niko laughing...probably at something funny Niko said. :)

Me, Heather, and Niko laughing…probably at something funny Niko said. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The contraption that I have hanging around my neck is a remote to my Bioness, which is an electrical stimulation unit that activates my peroneal nerve that is causing my foot drop. I’ve been using it for about two months now, and it has helped me improve in my walking. It was fun to be with folks who were excited that I have it.  Of course, I was instantly SUPER nervous to walk, so didn’t walk without my cane until after everyone left, and then I let John take this video of me.

Thank you, thank you, OSF-Peoria!

I’m Afraid for the 1st Day

Today, I will return to teaching master’s students in a student affairs preparation program full-time.  And, I’m afraid.  I’m also excited.  As I prepare for my return to teaching, it occurred to me that many students (both graduate and undergraduate) might be feeling the same way.  So, since research tells me that it is helpful for building relationships if students can see others like them be successful in higher education, I thought I would put out there some thoughts going through my mind about my return to school.

Me prior to January

Me prior to January

This is me now (notice the four point cane).

This is me now (notice the four point cane).

 

The point of me showing this to you has to do with me wanting to be upfront about the transition I am going to be experiencing.  You can also learn more about it here.


Afraid:

First, I’ve been working on my recovery related to my January health experiences since the end of February.  However, for some reason, I had in my mind that I would be fully recovered physically by the time that classes started, and I am not.  This means that I am going to need to navigate my campus using a cane, and with a backpack.  I have already had to speak up multiple times about having a physical disability, and I imagine that I will have to continue to do so.

Second, I’m afraid to show my newly acquired disability to people.  There is a stigma in society if you have a disability, and just to be up front and clear about it:

I am not dumb

I can hear perfectly well

For some reason these are the most common reactions other people have when they interact with me.  And although I understand them, they are tiring.

Third, I’m afraid I will forget something.  Now, please understand that I do not claim to have had the perfect memory prior to everything happening.  But, now that I’m adjusting to a disability, I cannot simply adjust as quickly in the moment.  My strategy to combat this is to always have a pad of paper that I can use to take notes on, and I write everything down.  But what if I forget to write something down?  My second strategy is to remember that it is okay for me to not remember everything.


Excited:

First, my classroom will be more accessible than it was in the past.  Don’t take this to mean that it wasn’t accessible before, because in many ways it was and I was always striving to be more so.  For example, I ask my students to complete learning contracts at the beginning of the semester in which they consider how much they want some of their assignments to be weighed toward their final grade.  This highlights their role in the learning process, and allows them to consider their strengths and weaknesses, as well as their own work habits.  Other examples, are that the students will now need to sit in a formation that allows me to see each of them clearly, and there will always need to be an easily accessible way to leave the room.

Second, I am hopeful that returning to teaching will help me recover in other ways.  On one of my first physical therapy days in acute rehab, I was asked to lift up my right leg as if I was marching, and then try to do it next with my left leg.  It was amazinBrainExerciseg to watch.  You could see how much my left leg wanted to mimic what my right leg was doing.  I then came home, and my body remembered the layout of my house.  I am hoping that returning to the classroom will work in much the same way, and although I anticipate it will be exhausting, my hope is that returning to the classroom will resurface the connections I’ve made in my brain prior to everything happening.  And, there is good reason for me to think that it will, after all, my neuro-psychology tests came back positive, as my neurologist would say, “I have a good brain”.  🙂

Third, I did things that I haven’t done in years to prepare for the beginning of the school year.  I did back to school activities!

I got my hair styled and colored.

I got my hair styled and colored.

I bought new shoes.

I bought new shoes.

I cleaned out and decorated my office.

I cleaned out and decorated my office.

 

I cleaned out and decorated my office.

I cleaned out and decorated my office.

And, I re-purposed a hiking backpack from home, and will now be using it as my school bag.

And, I re-purposed a hiking backpack from home, and will now be using it as my school bag.

 

Finally brought the back I got from my sister for Christmas to the office to use for Sarah games (classroom activities)

Finally brought the bag I got from my sister for Christmas to the office to use for Sarah games (classroom activities)

Put up the sign on the outside of my door that my first OT gave me when I was in the hospital.

Put up the sign on the outside of my door that my first OT gave me when I was in the hospital.

Myths About Self-Authorship in Student Affairs

I thought I would blog about self-authorship to help clear up some misunderstandings I’ve personally experienced throughout my time in the field.  Self-authorship is something that I research and study, so I try to notice when it is misunderstood.  I thought an easy way to clear it up would be to share four main myths I’ve heard about the concept.

Myth #1: Self-authorship is simply saying “I’m making this decision myself, so therefore, I’m self-authored.”  For example, “I’m sorry Sarah, I decided to self-author my homework and not do it.”

Myth #2: Self-authorship is only for White people.

Myth #3: Self-authorship is participating in self-reflection.

Myth #4: Self-authorship doesn’t allow you to build relationships with others.

So let’s start with some basics.  Self-authorship is a way of making meaning. A self-authored individual makes meaning of their experiences by determining their own values and beliefs while seeing others’ views as important and worth considering (Garvey Berger, 2011). This addresses myth #1 and myth #4.

Another way of looking at self-authorship is that it is a way of making meaning in which individuals possess the ability to face economic complexity, balance multiple roles, interact effectively with a diverse world, and responsibly confront social issues (Baxter Magolda, 2001).  Having the ability to face each of these issues most certainly is necessary for those working within the field of student affairs, as the problems of our field seem to only be increasing in complexity within each of these areas and more.

A self-authored way of thinking isn’t just about thinking about oneself (myth #1), it actually requires one to become closer to others in order to see their view point. Kegan (1994) discusses this by stating,

“When we see that we are not made up by the other’s experience, we then have the capacity not to take responsibility for what is now genuinely and for the first time not ours. And as a result, we can get just as close to the other’s experience (even the other’s experience of how disappointing, enraging, or disapprovable we are!) without any need to react defensively to it or be guiltily compliant with it” (p. 127). 

Imagine if in student affairs, we could interact with each of our colleagues and others at work having this capacity!

Myth #2 is addressed through research that is being conducted worldwide, as documented in Development and Assessment of Self-Authorship: Exploring the Concept Across Cultures (Baxter Magolda, Creamer, & Meszaros, 2010).  Book+Self+AuthorshipWithin the book, there are chapters on Bedouins and Jews in Israel, Latino ethnic identity, and other groups of people; and those aren’t the only studies occurring.  In fact, if you explore almost all development theories, you will find a common ebb and flow to them if you explore “how” development is occurring, not just “what” is being developed. Like almost all development theories, those who experience the most dissonance are the most likely to develop toward it.

Myth #3 is not what self-authorship is, but is instead a way to promote the development of self-authorship.  Again, given the issues facing our field, I believe we want to promote it. We need people who are conscious of themselves and the systems that are at work in student affairs and higher education, so that they can make responsible decisions for the good of the community by recognizing what is their responsibility and what is not in an ever increasingly complex world.  Other processes that promote self-authorship include:

  • “an ingenious blend of support and challenge” (Kegan, 1994, p. 42)

  • “listening without judgment, working on the process of one’s own way of making meaning, and intentionality” (Garvey Berger, 2012)

  • “identify diverse experiences, epistemological reflection, and participation as methods” (Mezirow, 2000, 2009; Zull, 2002)

It is also important to remember that being self-authored in how one makes meaning isn’t the end goal–there is more to our development and it continues to be explored.  Being self-authored in how one makes meaning allows individuals to move beyond solely depending on the external environment to tell them who they are and what actions they should take. Being able to think for one’s self is a way of thinking that employers seek in employees (Kerry, 2013, para 6; Krislov and Volk, 2014, para 13). However, my own research on new professionals indicates that those entering the field of student affairs aren’t yet self-authored (Schoper, 2011) (sorry if I’m bursting that bubble), so how can we expect them to assist in fully developing undergraduate students to meet the qualifications that employers seek?  I don’t believe it is simply the fault or full responsibility of student affairs preparation programs. It seems as though the field of student affairs may still be, “overly focused on outcomes and not process” (Jones, 2006, p. 4).

To me, it is the collective responsibility of all of us to promote continued development, not just in our students, but in ourselves. If for no other reason then it enables us to approach the problems we are facing with a different mindset.

Einstein

 

Visiting My Relaxing Place

Last week, I took my first approved trip since my health issues earlier this year. I was so excited, as there was only one destination that I wanted to visit in order to take a break, Lake Vermilion, MN. The location where John and I were married, and where my family has a cabin.  Last summer I spent approximately 5.5 weeks there and felt very refreshed for the new school year.  This year, I was hoping to find peace and perspective before returning to therapy and the start of the school year in the fall.  Despite my excitement, I also admit that I quite nervous.  I knew that I would not be able to do many of the tasks I had done in the past.  Activities such as: taking walks, laying out near the water, and helping take down fallen branches were not endeavors I anticipated being able to participate in.  The whole week prior, I kept thinking to myself, “if these were the things I knew I would struggle with, what other things might I discover I could no longer do?”

The week of the trip, started with John and I attending a wedding for one of my former students.  It was great fun! IMG_1136Yes, it is true, I learned I really can’t dance now…except slow dance, which is more just me swaying back and forth, and the buffet line was something John had to help me with (I assure you, that he had no problem helping me with food). Despite these issues, I believe I appreciated more than ever before the time spent with good friends celebrating the love of two people.  Valuing time spent with others is something that has become even more important to me since January. John kept asking me if I was tired, and even when I became tired, I didn’t want to leave because I knew that the moment could not be captured again.

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The next day, John and I were off to northern Minnesota.  We get to Lake Vermilion by going through Wisconsin, which is a much prettier state than I had ever realized.

Crossing from Wisconsin into Minnesota with a view of Lake Superior

Crossing from Wisconsin into Minnesota with a view of Lake Superior

One of my favorite parts about going north during the summer is that you get to experience spring all over again.

Haven’t a clue what these flowers are, but I believe they were orange just for me!

I spent a lot of time snuggling with Lucy, which is always wonderful.

Best. Dog. Ever.

Best. Dog. Ever.

 

We often rested at the same time.

We often rested at the same time.

This was often the view I had when she sat close to me.

This was often the view I had when she sat close to me.

Again, Best. Dog. Ever.

Again, Best. Dog. Ever.

And playing games with my family.

I won more games than John, which is really all that matters. ;)

I won more games than John, which is really all that matters.

We even put a screened tent up, so that I could go outside to read and take naps.  It was wonderful.

Or, rather, my mom and John put up a tent for me to use. Thank you, thank you.

Or, rather, my mom and John put up a tent for me to use. Thank you, thank you.

And this was my view.

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Something I noticed is that due to my new environment, I could do several things one day and the next I would need to sleep quite a bit. Biologically, I knew this made sense, as I was taking in new information, and my brain was rebuilding those connections, but I didn’t expect to be so tired just from spending time walking down to our dock and back up the hill.

The day before we decided to leave, my uncle took us out on a boat ride. It was so wonderful! And, quite funny too.  🙂 Everyone kept asking me if I knew how to swim and if I could go into the water with my leg the way that it is. I found it humorous, as I’ve been swimming since I was a kid, and I haven’t forgotten. I responded by telling them that I wasn’t going to start gulping water if I did find my way into the water. This response, turned the conversation toward a boat crash. What if the boat crashed, nobody could get to me, and I would have to tread water for 20 minutes? Mind you, our boat is not the only boat on the lake, and it was July 4th weekend, so there was a decent amount of traffic. Thus, I didn’t anticipate having to wait 20 minutes for help from another boat. Furthermore, everyone on the boat knew how to swim, and I couldn’t imagine a crash in which I survived and none of them did, so I knew they would help me if I needed it. It was clear, however, that the only way I was going to be allowed to go on the boat trip would be if I wore a life vest, which I haven’t worn in forever.  So, I agreed, and my mom helped to snap me into it.

My best selfie with a life vest on.

My best selfie with a life vest on.

And the view of the lake from the back of the boat when we started the trip.

This was my view just to get us around the dock.

This was my view just to get us around the dock.

We started heading to new places and my view got better.

We started heading to new places and my view got better.

The view of the John at the front of the boat.

John's seat up front.

John’s seat up front.

We first went to check out the eagles that we can see from our dock and cabin flying around, and calling to each other.

Do you see the eagle?

Do you see the eagle?

How about now?

How about now?

We then boated around a bit, enjoying the beautiful lake before stopping at Moosebirds for an ice cream cone, and eventually heading back to the cabin.

I had the best sleep while I was at the cabin, and have struggled a bit sleeping since my return. I’m not sure that I’m necessarily surprised by this, as Lake Vermilion was the location I went to in my head whenever someone (nurse, family member, friend, etc.) was trying to help calm me down while I was in the hospital.

I cried when I had to leave at the end of the week. Both tears of happiness and sorrow. Sorrow because I don’t anticipate I will get to go there again this year, and because I recognized how much I took for granted in the past by having two functioning legs.  Happiness because I did it. I went to Lake Vermilion, and enjoyed it more than I probably have ever enjoyed it before. Yes, it was relaxing to be in the great outdoors beyond my yard and the town of Macomb, but it was extra relaxing because I was with loving family.  They helped to make my time special, and just being around them helped to restore my motivation to keep improving.  I hope next year to go with even more of my family members.

Just a few more photos of the lake from the boat.

Just a few more photos of the lake from the boat.

 

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I did it. 🙂

The “How”, Spoon Theory, and #SAPros

In January, I experienced a medical crisis that caused me to reestablish all of my personal and professional goals for 2015.  I have been working toward my goal of recovery and adjusting to my “new” normal ever since.  Recently, I was given permission to return to my teaching position in order to teach one course this summer.  I am both excited and anxious about it.  So far, it is progressing nicely, but week one is always an easy week, because you are getting the course established and going.  🙂

Beyond my anxiety around not being able to fully walk due to my acquisition of foot drop, I knew I would be challenged to have enough energy to fully return to work.  I’ve been told ever since I “woke up” on January 7th that I would be tired and would need a lot of rest.  And, yes, early on this was true, I did need rest.  Yet, my need for rest has evolved as I’ve progressed in my recovery (at first I was tired from coming back to life, and now I get tired from using more higher order cognitive skills).

brain-sleeping1Recently, I was describing the unique way in which I found myself tired– “I can feel my brain and it is tired”, and a friend told me that it sounded to her as though I was describing Spoon theory.  A few days later, Spoon theory was shared on the Stroke Talk for Facebook group that I am a member of, so I decided to spend more time with it.  Prior to my January experience, and the conversation with my friend, Spoon theory was not a theory I’d come to know.  It isn’t found in any student development book that I know of, nor have I come across it in any counseling theory texts.  I found it to be accessible, easy to understand, and quite important to our field when considering a host of invisible disabilities.  (I will assert that I believe we quite often complicate how to bring theory into practice by not using accessible examples for all—perhaps we need to use more dining utensils 😉 ).  midi-spreader-appetizer-fork-demi-spoon

Furthermore, I teach the Student Development Theory 1 course at Western Illinois University and during class we spend time exploring how development occurs.  We do this because I believe it is powerful to know how development occurs if one is going to promote development amongst students, not just what the identity or characteristic that is developing.  It is challenging to explore development theory this way because it is almost always easier to identify “what” the theory is developing rather than clearly articulating “how” it is being developed.  As we do such exploration as a class, we begin to realize the power dynamic present when one determines a developmental place:

Does one place another in a specific spot in their development? 

Does one allow another to share where they are at in their development for themselves? 

These are important questions.  They are the difference between prescribing developmental interventions, as if we ourselves are fully developed, and creating developmental interventions, with the assistance of others, because we acknowledge that none of us are fully developed.

I’m not necessarily advocating for Spoon theory to be included in student development theory courses, although I do secretly think it would be a good idea.  I am asking us to consider what it would look like if, instead of focusing so much on “what” is being developed, and the end result of that developmental process, we start the conversation about bringing theory into practice by focusing on “how” development is occurring.

For example, Spoon theory asserts that if my foot drop heals (which I am really hoping that it does) and I am left with a non-visible neurological disorder due to my January experience, I will only be given a limited number of spoons for the day that I can use to accomplish my tasks.  It also claims that each of my tasks will use up a spoon, which might result in me only having one spoon left for the day come 6 p.m., but more work to do.  In other words, instead of focusing only on what my decreased energy is at various places on my road to recovery, Spoon theory also helps others understand how it is that I’ve come to have decreased energy.  And, personally, I’ve found that understanding both how I’ve come to have decreased energy, and what decreased energy is like for me, allows others to better understand my experience and support me as I continue to develop toward my goal of full recovery.  If this is how I’m left feeling about the inclusion of attending to how, and not just the what, in the process of development, imagine how our students might feel if we were to do the same as we put theory into practice as student affairs professionals.  It certainly seems to me as though it would create a more inclusive environment for our students.

Congratulations to the Class of 2015 New Student Affairs Professionals!

The following is the speech I gave at the graduation reception for Western Illinois University’s College Student Personnel program 2015 graduates.  I share it, slightly amended, because I think that it applies to all graduates entering the field of student affairs as new professionals.  Congratulations to everyone!

Hello, parents, family, and friends. My name is Sarah Schoper, and it is wonderful to stand before you here today. I want to start off by thanking you for being who you are because who you are has had a profound impact on the students. I have truly valued getting the opportunity to learn with each of them, and find them to be amazingly, beautiful individuals. I look forward to seeing how they contribute to the world around them, and cheering them on from afar.

(You should be forewarned that my mom told me to be funny so that I wouldn’t cry, and what I’m going to share is my attempt to do that.)

As you may have heard from your student, I decided to take a last minute sabbatical this semester (they probably referred to it as a trip to the hospital). Apparently, I felt the need to do a little more research on the biology of learning, and have indeed discovered that the experiential learning cycle is how learning occurs, that neurons need to connect to build pathways in the brain for learning to happen, and that we take in information through all of our sense that contributes to our learning, amongst other things. I am still in the midst of my research, also known as therapy, but so far, I can assure you and your student that I’m doing everything I can to teach only accurate and true information. It is this most recent research process that I’ve engaged in that has led me to five points, I want to share with the graduates to consider as they continue on in their life’s journey.

1.  Celebrate everything (and if you do so with nonalcoholic mimosas, various owl gifts, inspirational items, orange nails, and motivational quotes) all the better! In our world, it is far too easy to see the gl10968367_10204276114079969_5288278294979119983_nass half empty rather than half full. Don’t underestimate the small steps you take because they add u10562959_10206085533515956_3287090894491426514_np over time to big changes.

2. If you are doing your job well, you will be uncomfortable and feel quite challenged. (no, this doesn’t mean that you should go around instigating issues haphazardly). Going into the field of student affairs means that you get the opportunity to impact every day (no matter your position) the lives of the students you interact with in ways that are life altering. This enormous amount of responsibility and privilege should leave you feeling uncomfortable and challenged for many reasons, including that by doing so you are also continuing to grow and develop. (which, as we learned together in theory class, most of us don’t want to do.) So, breathe deeply, stand tall, and be persistent as you find yourself feeling uneasy, it might just signify that learning is about to happen, which is hard, but also might just provide an amazing opportunity to grow.

3. (and this relates to the point I just made about seeking out uncomfortable experiences and challenging yourself.) Do your best to step back so that you can get a different perspective on the situations you are experiencing. This can mean taking time to quietly reflect while going on a walk and/or it can mean discussing a situation with a trusted friend or mentor in order to help process out your experiences. We discussed once in class how we tend to focus on those who we interact with the most (which are also those who happen to be like us the most), but remember it is important to be aware of those we don’t spend time with and to consider why that might be. Especially since student affairs exists to serve all students.

4. It is okay to be protective of your environment, so that you can be yourself, and perhaps more importantly, so that you can have hope. In almost every class, we’ve discussed the interaction between environment and person, and we’ve established that it has a profound impact on how a person makes sense of the world, which in turn has a profound impact on what they contribute to the world. If you don’t create space for hope to exist within the educational environment, it is far too easy…especially these days, to become negative and cynical, which will then impact the work that you do and the learning that occurs for your students. If you don’t believe me about this, consider times when you’ve been around people who are pessimistic about their experience and how easily their negatively caught on and became the thing to do…almost without conscious realization of it. You will pass along such negativity to those coming to you for help if you do not create space for hope.

5. (and perhaps most important) Show love to everyone around you. I know that you are all capable of doing so, because you have shown it to me (especially this semester as I’ve been doing my research 🙂 ). Doing so, won’t always be easy either (again, sort of like this semester), but it has the ability to transform the world into a kindeunconditional_lover place, and I know this because it has transformed me.

During your program interview days, I remember sitting in the academic discussion, and one of you asking me to share what I’ve learned from the students since I had just finished talking about how learning goes both ways. At the time, I had a lot of thoughts in my head, and stumbled through my answer—the student came to WIU, so I must have done something right.  🙂  Now, that you all are about to graduate, the answer to that questions seems so clear. I’ve continually learned how to love more unconditionally, and for that, I am ever grateful. You’ve helped transform me into a stronger person, and I thank you for that because I’ve needed that strength this semester. One of my mentors, Marcia Baxter Magolda, once told me to never underestimate the students, and I sincerely believe that and encourage you all to hold onto it. All students have something to contribute, and it is amazing and beautiful to acknowledge and an honor to be a part of that.

So, in conclusion, I will leave you with two quotes. First, a Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh quote (seems sort of fitting at a graduate level graduation):

632f563f7dcc6c1fc67c531d3653d147

The second quote is from a spoken word poet, Shane Koyczan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZfhpD42Z4Y  The specific quote I read starts on 4 minutes, 2 seconds.

“Shine in the dark places. Lend the world your light.”

From my heart to your heart, thank you for helping me to find my light this semester—I can only hope that I have returned the favor and helped you to find yours during your time in the program. Congratulations!

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My Left Foot

My left ankle might not ever move again on my command, and I might not be able to spread apart or wiggle my toes.  I have foot drop.

This is a terrifying thought to me for many reasons, as well as a fact that I might need to come to accept.  Yes, I do realize that it hasn’t even been a full four months (it will be on May 6), since my life exploded (a PE, two seizures, two strokes, and cardiac arrest for an hour) in January.  And, I do know that some people get movement back a year later, and some times even two years later.  So, please don’t hear that I am giving up hope because I am not.

I have hope. hope

But, I also want to not have my expectations up too high because stroke depression is real and I don’t want to slide into it.  After all, strokes are the leading cause of long term disabilities in the United States.

I am working hard every day to accept what has happened to me, and appreciate that I am still here and still have a lot going for me.  This all means that I have a tug-of-war post-copygoing on inside of me and it is not easy.  Part of me is focused on having hope, and part of me is working on accepting what has happened to me.  I’ve been encouraged to just focus on having hope, and I try.  It is just that it is much easier for someone to say that to me than for me to do.

I struggle daily with questions such as:

It has been almost four months, why am I not back to normal? 

All of the rest of my leg has woken up, so why is my foot so insistent on sleeping?

What else haven’t we tried that we can try to get it going?

Did it just move, or did I imagine it?

There are several ways that I work through my tug-of-war:

1. I am quite protective of who I surround myself with because I need to keep having hope.  I can’t spend time being around thoughts and feelings that are negative because it is too easy for me to see my situation as negative.  It isn’t that I don’t share with those who are near me how I am feeling, which is often that I am sad, but I know that I need others to respond positively (which often means just being with me) even if I am crying.

2. I try hard to keep moving.  My older sister said to me when I first woke up in the hospital, that the best thing I could do for my recovery is to keep moving.  I am not sure I fully understood what that meant until recently, and I hear her voice in my head each time I want to just be lazy and do nothing.  I’ve also recently been exploring yoga for foot drop, although I’m terrible at it–still, I am determined.

3. I journal about my feelings related to my left leg.  I have never really spent time journaling about one specific part of my physical body before, but it makes sense for me to do so now.  Yes, my left foot and my need to wear an AFO (ankle and foot orthotic) means that I can’t be outside like I used to, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t go outside. I try to become fascinated by my leg, and notice if it shakes and consider why that might be (am I nervous, etc).  I want my left leg to remember that it is a part of my body, and needs to listen to my brain again.

4. I process through in my mind how much privilege I had when I didn’t have to think about walking, and the fact that I might be able to make a full recovery is in itself another privilege.  I still have many things going for me even if I have a physical disability the rest of my life, so I will be okay if this is “as good as it gets”.

5. I can make a cane look cool…so, who cares if I have to use it the rest of my life.  It helps remind me to stand taller, which is good for my posture.

Still…I really want my left foot to wake up.  064151-high-resolution-dark-blue-denim-jeans-icon-people-things-foot-left-ps