01/06/2017 by @Sit_With_It - 4 Comments

Today is my Happy New Year!

Today is the two year anniversary of what I’ve dubbed “my life explosion“. Some might think it is odd that I acknowledge this date, and even sometimes refer to it as my new birthday.

My life on January 6, 2015

For me, however, I’d rather put it out there than keep my acknowledgement of it inside. So, here I am, two years later still working on recovery…a process that is measured in years and not months or days like some other illnesses.

“The actual length of the rehabilitation process varies according to the person and to the severity of their injury. Some people may only require a few weeks or months of rehabilitation, and others may require years or even lifelong rehabilitation.”

(http://www.brainline.org/landing_pages/categories/rehabilitation.html)

I can see my growth over the past year. I am much stronger, and can therefore walk a bit better and last longer before hitting complete exhaustion (and my goodness the exhaustion). I am better able to complete higher order executive functioning skills. And, I continue to challenge myself so that my neurons build complex pathways.

Me=Snoopy

I also recognize the accomplishments I’ve achieved. For example, several times over the past year my Physical Therapist has strapped me into a harness over a treadmill. Each time my goal was to get to 3.5 in my speed (the lowest speed that is considered running), and the past few times I’ve done it I have reach my goal….albeit, the longest I can last at that speed is 5 minutes, but still, I was running.

I have hit my goal of 4,000 steps a day for almost all of this current school year (I take one day a week off…see exhaustion note above). It has helped to have a furry friend to enjoy going on walks with, and he goes at whatever speed I go, so it works out well. I’ve fallen several times on my walks, but let’s be real…I’ve always been clumsy. The best part is that Optimus is right there looking at me when I do without judgement.

My furry friend, Optimus Prime.

Somehow I’ve managed to travel and present at conferences, as well as attend and participate in a wedding, and I say somehow because there is a ridiculous amount of sensory input in airports and conference centers. Even hotel carpeting…seriously, what is up with hotel carpeting? Does it really need to be (often) bright geometric patterned? These are important questions, people, so please pay attention…it is dizzying. Not one of these adventures would have been possible without my co-presenters and my adventure partner.

I often spot others with walking challenges wherever I go. Yes, these folks were probably around me before my life explosion, but I truly see them.

I also recognize the hypocrisy of a call for social justice that continually stays silent about the issue of disability. If 19% of the population reports having a disability perhaps we can find a way to talk about it more?

I really hope that you saw this and were not okay with it no matter your vote.

I wrote a book. I’m not sure if it is any good, and I’m still working on editing it. I often remind myself that it took Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor 10 years for her to share her story. Perhaps I am emulating her in some sort of way. What I do know is that I needed to get my life explosion out of me as a method of grieving (also a reason I talk a lot about Optimus).

There has been a lot that I’ve lost, and I am sad about it. It is okay to be sad.

Still, I want to use my story to encourage/help others, and so I’ve shared bits of it at community wide events, a classroom of speech therapists in training, and a monthly support group for caregivers of stroke survivors. I hope that by sharing it I’ve helped others in some way as all of these groups of people have helped me.

Goal for 2017: Do much of the same as this past year, except add looking at my experiences with more gratitude. I spent a lot of time over the past year thinking “I woke back up for this?! Why?”

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My Macomb Family (Me, Optimus, John, Anas, and Amjad)

Over the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with two students from Syria, and couldn’t help but think about how amazing it is that we were eating good food, playing games, and enjoying each other’s company. Who would have thought I would be sitting around a table two years later enjoying time with two people from Syria in Macomb, Illinois?

This world we live in often looks like this:

when we want it to look like this:

Perhaps if it did we would miss out on discovering all of the:

that exists where the lines cross.

Happy 2017 Everyone!

07/03/2014 by @Sit_With_It - 2 Comments

Lake Vermilion Walks

I am the type of person who enjoys being outdoors….taking a walk, reading a book, writing a blog post…any time outside is rejuvenating. I do know, however, that it needs to be the kind of outside where I can enjoy nature. I really loved living right outside of DC for many reasons, but I don’t miss all of the buildings and the smell of car exhaust. I love the outdoors so much that I know that when I get extra crabby during the winter it is often because I haven’t been outside enough. One of my favorite parts about Macomb, Illinois, are the stars at night. I love taking a walk at night, especially during the winter when it is crisp and cold, and seeing all of the stars. It is something that just can’t be replicated in a city, and the calmness of the air helps me to put a lot of experiences in perspective. (If you ever make it to Macomb, IL, in the winter, I highly recommend taking a winter night walk :).)

Another place I enjoy spending time is on Lake Vermilion in Minnesota.

I remember living in Maryland, and sharing with some of the folks there that I was going to spend my vacation in Northern Minnesota. The response I received was confusion. Why in the world would I go on vacation to Minnesota, and even more why would I go to Northern Minnesota? I suppose if I hadn’t moved around so much throughout my life, I might not understand their questions, but I do know that most people tend to explore the same places. In fact, I suppose that is part of the reason why I enjoy spending time on Lake Vermilion.

One of my favorite activities to do at Lake Vermilion actually doesn’t actually involve getting in the lake. Rather, I enjoy taking walks on the road that goes right along the lake. It is about a 6 mile hike (round trip) from the cabin I stay in to the end of the road.

This is the beginning of the road.

And, I kid you not, it is uphill both ways. My mom and I joke about how it is a great butt workout.

A hill (I swear it is a hill…I realize it might not look like much of a hill…my phone camera and non-existent camera skills don’t do it justice!)

Another hill.

Even more hills.

Occasionally, I will get it in my mind that I can run the distance, but I pretty much think I hike the hills no matter what, and really just run in between (I probably should also change the word run to jog :)). Oh, and there are beautiful lake side views to enjoy:

As well as humorous mailboxes:

Besides the fresh air, I love looking at the forest and all of the wild flowers that grow under the trees. Some of my favorites are:

Unfortunately, I’m not sure what any of them are called. I do know that if I was up here in later July or August, I would also find wild blueberries and raspberries. I was often told as a little girl to go pick wild berries when I said I was bored and/or there was nothing to do.

From time to time on my walks, I am also reminded that the forest is the permanent home of quite a few animals. So far this summer I’ve seen:

deer (this is just one of several deer I’ve seen),

ducks,

a turtle (who always seems to want to be going to the other side of the road),

and a fox.

I know that how I find calmness might not be the same as everyone else, and that is cool…Lake Vermilion walks wouldn’t be the same if they did. 🙂

06/05/2014 by @Sit_With_It - 0 comments

On Being Certain and Normal Science

This morning I went for a run, which is a newer endeavor I started up at the end of April. I mentioned my recent interest in running in a previous blog, but as a recap…about 10 years ago I ran quite a bit, I moved away from it for a variety of reasons (PhD school being one of them), and this:

is what I imagine myself looking like when I go running. So, for about the past five weeks, I’ve run every other day. My goal is to get to a place where I can comfortably run a 5k.

During the time I’ve been running, I’ve increased my distance to the point where I am now running about 2 miles at a time. I use an app (Strava…it is free and is great! :)) to track my route, distance, and time. This morning, however, I ran much further than I have over the past several weeks. I ran 2.7 miles, and it felt good. In fact, if it wasn’t for a few service people coming to our house to fix/build some things, I probably would have continued running (me=turning into Forrest Gump).

I’m quite proud of myself for running 2.7 miles. Mostly because I woke up this morning and did not want to run. I even texted my running accountability partner about it. I just wasn’t “feeling” it, and was pretty much trying to just focus on having the whole experience over for the day.

(This is probably much closer to what I look like when I run.)

So, you might be able to imagine my surprise when Strava told me that I had run 2.7 miles. I’ve actually experienced such surprise two other times this week (that I’m consciously aware of), and both of those have caused me to pause as well. In each of those situations, I also found myself quite certain about what it was that I was talking about and how something was going to be, and in each of those situations I found myself to be wrong. Being wrong to me, however, really isn’t much of a surprise, which is why I’ve noticed myself pausing a bit more and considering how I can own my mistake in front of the other person so that they can see that I recognize my mistake. What it has all led me to consider, though, is Thomas Kuhn and his essays captured in the book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. I was finding myself caught up in “normal science”.

“Normal science, the activity in which most scientists inevitably spend most all their time, is predicated on the assumption that the scientific community knows what the world is like. Normal science often suppresses fundamental novelties because they are necessarily subversive of its basic commitments. As a puzzle-solving activity, normal science does not aim at novelties of fact or theory and, when successful, finds none.”

In each of the experiences I had, I was quite certain that I knew “what the world was like”, and I went into each experience with that in mind.

I was not going to like my run today. It was going to be painful, and frustrating.

And in each of these experiences I found myself curious as to why I thought I was so certain.

I really enjoyed my run, and could have kept going.

After all, I knew that there was information that I know that I don’t know, yet I found myself wanting so badly to know something, that I turned what I was aware of into the fully story. I’m pretty sure that I’m not alone in this behavior, and I’m quite confident that it will occur many more times despite my efforts for it not to. I don’t say this in an effort to not try…more to acknowledge my own imperfect self. What I can do though is to continue to recognize that there is always going to be information missing and things I don’t see, and to continually strive to be open to hearing more of and about it. I can also continue to own when I have make a mistake, as well reflection on the process of how I got to such a place originally.

05/15/2014 by @Sit_With_It - 0 comments

Privilege and Developing One’s Mind

About two weeks ago I decided to give running a try again…10 years ago I ran every other day pretty consistently.

(This is what I imagine I look like when I’m running)

Since that time, I moved away from running and began doing other things such as spinning, a Les Mills program called Body Pump (a great program that I highly recommend), and I will admit it…sometimes nothing. This winter, though, felt endless. And so, as soon as the weather turned a bit warmer I decided it was time to get outdoors and be active. A few students within the program I teach inspired me to take up running by sharing their stories, and so this spring I began running again. So far I am up to two miles, and it feels great!

Not only have I felt better physically, but running has provided me with some greatly valued reflection time. Lately, I’ve been spending time considering learning on my runs. To anyone who has spent time with me as a student affairs professional or now as a faculty member, you will know that I have a passion for learning….student learning, organizational learning, etc. I am known for describing the process of learning as magical, the biology behind learning, and I work hard to be a good learning partner to others around me. While I could speak about the challenges and rewards in helping others to learn, what has been on my mind recently is the privilege that exists in higher education when one does not consider learning. It isn’t that I think privilege is suddenly gone when learning is considered, but I can’t help but wonder what it means to not be intentional with what individuals are learning from one’s practice.

James Zull speaks about the learning process in both The Art of Changing the Brain (2002) and From Brain to Mind (2011), and reminds us that learning isn’t necessarily an option. Just by simply interacting with the world around us we are bound to learn. So, learning isn’t something we can simply shut off or separate out from our understanding of the world around us. Zull encourages educators to help students (arguably he considers everyone an educator and thus, every is a student) move beyond encouraging the kind of learning that is comprised primarily of copying, and toward the kind of learning that develops ones mind. This is the kind of learning that Mezirow (2000) labeled transformative learning, which is the kind of learning we are called to practice in Learning Reconsidered (2004) and Learning Reconsidered 2 (2006). These documents encourage us, student affairs professionals, to establish learning outcomes, shape the environment to reach those learning outcomes, and to assess for learning in the experiences we provide through our practice. Regardless of the method one follows to move through this cycle (I strongly encourage being as inclusive as possible), I can’t help but wonder what one’s practice is doing if one is not pausing and intentionally moving through this process? What does it mean if one thinks that it takes too much time to consider what people should be learning from their practice, if they are helping them to learn it, and how they know if they are helping them to learn it? Or, if one thinks that learning is for the classroom? For faculty members to take care of? So, as I’ve been asking these questions on my run, I keep coming back to how much privilege must be present to be able to not consider what one wants others to learn. It seems to me that without the incorporation of intentional learning, one simply stays in a place where they are able to copy what either they themselves, or someone else, is doing, and prevents one from developing one’s mind.